Dear Journal again,
I guess my sad feeling just came back. Don’t know why though but this feeling always revolve around me. Finally I understand why I don’t go online anymore except talking to my clients and patients. I was talking to Aodailien and was anxious and I guess I finally understand why she’s having issues. It’s the patience that she doesn’t have. I know that my promise with you before my other journals entries died which I remember that “I would give myself one chance”. I don’t know why this feeling hurt so much when the feeling of loss past you by. After this journal entry I’m heading to work early and forget all about this. I finally realize why I force my self to work 24/7. The honesty truth is that I do get 5 hours off a day but I force myself to work full time because I have a lot of things to think about when I’m free. I hate being free with nothing to do on hand. Now I see why my little sister calls me work-aholic. I feel so sad today after talking on aim. I promise u Journal that I wont chat online anymore. I think I know my destiny now. I guess I made a few promise today so I’m gonna keep that promise. Today after talking on the phone aodailien ask me to become her sister. Now that is sad. But oh well. If that’s what she wants then I gladly accept. I love to help anyone. I once had a hard time with my education. Eating out of the garbage and working several jobs to help pay for my apartments and education expense made me grew into a man. I thank Quan Am for guiding me through my life. So here I am to do everything I can to help others as a gratitude to all those who have helped me through this life to make it where I am. Mr. Journal today is the worse day of my life. Realizing the truth about life and how hard it is. Its so easy to give other advices about their life but in return when its your life you cant really lead yourself out of it. Majoring in psychology, cardiovascular, and sociology doesn’t really help me in life. Though I feel like I know a lot but it doesn’t get me anywhere. Today I guess I’ll just forget about boy and girl issues and just work and pay back what my parents had given me till this day. My plans is continue to save 5k a month and start working on that house by the May/April of next year. I don’t know what type of house I want yet. But hopefully the architect dude develop a good house. I gave him basic statistics that I want. I want an elevator, 6 bed rooms, 3 floors, a deck, 4 bathroom, and 4 garage. Ahhhhhh…I’m determine to finish what I have started. Ahhh so many pressure. Yesterday I decided to give myself another chance but today I decided that being single for the rest of my life is the best. God I hate the pressure of getting marry. My parents in their 50s and 60’s now and the pressure of getting a girlfriend is hard on me. I met someone that I might want to start a relationship with but finally was slap in the face with five fingers printing out “No” which hurts like a mother. Oh well, those few hours of hopes rejuvenate my hopes. But over all I’ll keep denying my parents proposal to head to Vietnam and get a girl. Never will do that and today I finally decided that the last hope I have given up was it for me. I decided to finish off this Doctorial degree and work for the rest of this life. The only way to hide away from all these is working 24/7 and full fills my word “tra hieu”. I’m sorry journal. I gave my self a chance but that was it. I can’t handle the ignorance and profanity of life. I just want a relationship where we give each other chance to explain and purify all the issues that could come across life. But this was it for me. Ahhhhhhhh….hell I don’t know what to do. But anyways that’s my plan and that’s what I will keep. You know me best journal and over time I’ll prove it. The reason why I choose psychology was to help people through life but I cant help myself. So my best answer to myself is to avoid it. Well anyways today I promised aodailien that I would loan out some money so that she wont have to pay so much loans like I am right now. It makes me feel good that aodailien giving me that chance to help out. God I hate it so much that I’m paying nearly 1k a month worth of loans. I work 24/7 as a student making 20k a month and paying loans and car payments is hell already. Everyday I sit down to calculate what needed to be done and what I can do. I save 5k for house and put 5k out to spend which I never use. I use roughtly 2k and put 3k in savings. Working this hard pays off so much. I always had a dream when I was a kid. I had a dream that I would become successful and have something to work for. I finally made it. Though that dream isn’t there but I’ve created one. Aodailien walks in and I guess if I can’t have the heart I’ll have it as a dream. Well anyways journal, I heading to bed, just paused for 5 minutes to talk on the phone calling me in for work. Sometimes I hate work and sometimes I like it. Its so funny how life works. When there’s nothing to do you want to work. But when you want to have some times alone work keeps coming. Well anyways its 1 am now and I gotta head to work by 4:30. I guess I’ll call MP to escort me to work since I need 2 hours of sleep. Aodailien wants me to sleep 5 hours atleast a day so I guess that’s where I’ll start. After checking Ms. Day out with her right lung sintos I’ll sleep for another 3 hours. Alarm is set for 3 am to wake my ass up.Well anyways Mr. Journal, thanks for listening to my crap. Again please send this message and thanks to all those who have guide me to who I am today. As a gratitude I’ll pass my days of living and hours of living to fulfill my love. Well anyways c-ya in the next journal.
Gaaaa life sucks! Shit cant talk its 1:10…sleeping….buh bai
Nguyen Thanh Trong Cardin
Dear Journal again,