Today was a tought day to get by. From time to time I miss my wife. Miseed the time when she first fell in love with me. As time got hard we all change. But we both couldn’t get along because hard time change people. We all need our space to breath. Lately I been walking with Alfred alot down by the waterfront. I discovered there so many things out there that I haven’t seend. I been in Bellingham since 2002 when I came up to continue my college career.
I can’t believe that I been up here 7 years and I don’t even know about this park at the waterfront. Its amazing how you live so long at a place, but don’t know everything about the place. The walk made me realize that life is beautiful. Times are hard alot of the times. I just have to quit blaming myself nor my ex-wife that its our fault. We’re all adults now so blaming isn’t the key to solving anything. The key is understanding our differences. My soon to be ex-wife and I need space. Divorce would be the best result to give us both the freedom. The last two years I have to admit I been the best husband I could. I worked hard. When I had alot of money I didn’t value it and try to make the best of it. I didn’t know how to control the money and ruin a perfect opportunity to create a better life. But I learned from the mistake and definetely can make it again when I save the right amount of money. But over all during that two years I learned alot. I worked hard for every dime I made. I tried to hide a few bucks here and there to work toward that $27,000.00 investment to start a web services again. But it takes alot of courages and saving to even do so. That ws another mistake I made. I should of told the truth of what I was trying to do. Hide a few bucks here and there. To be exactly $100-200 bucks per paycheck to work toward creating a business for myself.
Second mistakes I also made is taking a night time job. I didn’t think it would make much of a different. We’re all fighting to make a living. But then there are many facctors in life that makes it hard. Night time jobs isolate you from alot of the daily activities. Its like close to 90% of the city is active during the city and the other 10% of the city is active at night. Therefore all you have is that 10% to communicate and talk to.
Third mistake I made is room. My ex-wife and I didn’t respect each other living space. We didn’t learn our differences. Because I work at night and take care of my son and mother-in-law during the day only time I have is when ever she get home 8-2am is when I have to go to work. I see her roughtly 6 hours a day. Thats why during that six hour I hug her all I can because I loved her. But then during that 6 hours it reduce her sleep. Soon over time she decided not to come home and met some one else. She made friends during the day time then reduced her time to come home. She started to party and drink more often as time moves on. Soon she goes out nearly every week. Started with one day every two weeks. Then one day every week. Then two days per week. Soon shes only honly 3 nights and the rest are gone. So night time job does affect everyone. We dont believe in it but it actually makes a huge different.
Well as I sit here and think of my past of good times and bad times. One memory that comes to mind are these pictures http://www.cardinnguyen.com/gallery/v/VictoriaBC06/?g2_page=8 . Thats the best time of my life. No worries becuase my business was blooming. I literally stayed at home and did everything I want. NO fight, no stress. But then after going through all the hardship. What I find is that a relationship isn’t base on only great times together. But its trhough a series of test. I was test though good times with my ex-wife. Now I’m going through a hardship of poor and hard times. It finally caught to me that my wife can’t go through hard times together with me and work the differences. Because I worried for her and dont want her to partie all night. She began pushing me further away. I realize that she cant go through hard time much longer. She works hard and hold feets/hands everyday. I guess it finally caught up to her. I remember one time she came home and said “I hope your business bloom again so I dont have to hold feets/legs. So I can stay home.” (sorry thats in vietnamese) . After sitting here thinking about it. She has finally give up with me. She assume that I can’t get any better then that. I guess everyone can see the jealousy and love that I give to my wife everyday. Her boss started to add fuel to the fire and take her to parties more often. Thats when I finally lost her. She met more guys with more opportunities like when she was 18 and had a choice to marry me. So all I can do now is just wish for the best and hope my ex-wife find a better person. All I can do now is work and make another day. Like what I’ve been doing over the past two years. Follow the motto “Working hope to past another peaceful day” . I just don’t want the war and fights over minor things. All I got now is my son to fight for. And what left of this heart for my ex-wife and hope for the best of her life to be improved.
Well sorry guys thats all I felt like typing today. I decided to share this journal to all because I want to let the world know how much I loved my wife and son. I’m not a bad man. Just a heart that tries. Thats how I found this new town so call “Water Front” a place that was there years ago and I never found. It could of been my place earlier years.
I love my wife and son. Always will and always have. Wish the best luck! Moving on to a brighter future here I come