Today I like to focus my chat on abuse. I guess abuse can take many forms and angle. But before we go into that I’ll start off with what I did today. After being 5 years in this abuse relationship I ignore the fact because I want to hold onto the family.
Today is like every other day of my life for the last two years. I wake up and head to work then head back home. (eh typical morning) . After getting some sleep I caught some email from Anna and decided that its about time I do something and not ignore. I had been abuse over the last 5 years. I was verbally abuse, psychological abuse, neglect, and physical abuse. When you love someone you go to the extreme and not recognize a lot of things. I loved Tran so I ignore her physical abuse. When she’s mad at small thing she would beat me up. If I resist or argue back her father comes into play. When you live with the in laws it makes it worse. You cant argue back or even spit back a word or push her away. I tried many method like CLOSING the door and LOCKING it, but Mr. Kiet (my father in law) goes “I rented this place. Open the door my daughter needs to do a lot of things else I’ll call the cops”. That when I had to give up because my name was literally not on the rental agreement. I was afraid of being kicked out or even worse end up with a broken family. Sad part is I got no dime on me to even sustain myself a week. Though I make 2-3k a month I don’t even see that money at all. I give them all to my wife and sometime hide a few bucks just for emergency so I’ll make my 3 days gas try look like a 5 days gas trip. Usually when I do that she wouldn’t k now and think I’m reserving and would give me kiss as a reward. That’s what I call kiss of death. I had fallen into that so many times the last 5 years. I’m like most typical family man who tries their hardest to hold on to their family as much as possible. I loved Tran so much that this form of abuse was not recognize till I’m separated from her and had the time to think about it. I knew it was abuse then. I sometimes turn to the wall and cry by myself. Crying to the wall with no one seeing is the most painful thing in the world. Psychological abuse happens on a daily base to me and my son. When I refuse to do certain chores or even argue back with her to leave me alone in the room. She would teach my son to call me “dog”; “fucker” with her finger pointing at me. Duck see duck do. Nothing hurts more than seeing an innocent child doing what he is told in the wrong way. But love got me this far and resistance this far. The love for my wife and the hope I have being able to change the way my wife is over time. It failed so miserably that here I am sitting in my friends apartment thinking about life. What got me really upset is knowing my wife has a boyfriend that she bought home. My son has a habit of sleeping with my wife (Tran) and I at night. With her threats of sleeping (skipping that three letter word) in front of my child hurts more then anything else in the world. Why do it to a child? He wouldn’t even know what it is except sit there and watch right? Ahh I’ll stop psychological abuse from here. Its bugging and disturbing me. Boy I tell ya love sure mess you up so bad. But it takes two to complete a family. If we can’t learn to give and take; recognize the abuse and prevent it; of course the cooperation then nothing will get done. I loved my wife therefore I hold on hopping that with my love and effort it will all change one day. But it was an inevitable event opposite of what dream was. Neglect not only happen to me all the time, but also to my son. My eyes are getting worse every day. My glass on the left side has a huge scratch that I wanted to get glass awhile back. I think it was November when I asked for new glass. Everytime we speak of new glass my wife would delay it to the next pay check making excuse that we have a lot of bills. Sometimes I think to myself with her salary and mine combine is $5,000 and its not even enough. What happen to the money? Every time I ask she would go nuts over it. Her father sure does stash away a lot of the money or somethings not right. Up till the last week of my separation; wait the week before we went to Costco to check out prices of glass on Wednesday, August 12, 2009. Then on Saturday morning is when I have my appointment with Linda to check my eyes. That’s when this whole argument and divorce started to come to play. I tried the same technique that I acquire over the years. Just go into the room and cover my head with the blanket hoping I’ll make another night and tomorrow will be ok. This time was totally different. Tuesday morning my wife kick me out. The more love I put into it the more neglect my wife Tran becomes. There’s something I loved about her that I had got into this mess. I loved her either because she was faking it really good or its because she was sweet and loved me. Neglect my son is the huge reason that took me to take the step to fill out a divorce. I realize that I have been neglected but then letting my son go through the same thing that is a crime that I’ve created. I could have stop it but I risked it to keep the family together. Like mention earlier we cant stop an inevitable event. All I did was slowing it down and not realizing that it will happen no matter what. Tran, my loved wife always mention that she hang with me because she loved her son. That’s the same thing why I hanged onto the relationship because I want my son to have a great memory. A memory growing up knowing that mom and dad is still here together. A perfect love! That’s the kind of thoughts I want to leave with my son. My son rarely get enough food that he wants to eat. Food he’s force to eat is boiled soup with noodles. I know we American’s are a fat nation but then limiting complete Zero fats leaves us an unhealthy body. My wife is afraid that my son would become beofy ( a word in Vietnamese meaning fatty). When I take my son over to Geary Gresham house while Geary is feeding his daughter and son, Trieu my son would jump in and ask for some. These kind of foods are food he never touched nor tasted. Only time I could feed him those food are when I’m over at Geary helping Geary out. I was abuse right there. A husband with no money in pocket to even buy food that my son could eat. My wife controls what goes in and out of our bodies. My son is often sick of fever since he was born. He gets a lot of bad fevers when the weather changes. We often take him to the ER room when his temperature gets to a high degree. After coming home from ER my wife would over dose him with his medicines prescribed. Probably 3-4 mil more then what’s given. If he is not better by the time she gets back from wrong at 8 the following morning. My son would go through a punishment so call “treatment” to the Vietnamese culture. My son would have to face a razor blade cuts all over his back. My father in law, mother in law, and wife would squeeze out what’s call bad blood. This is what I call punishment to a child. Whether the method works or not it isn’t a thing we would do to our kid. I believe in doctors work. We’re no doctors to even perform these task that they are doing. But then the abuse that I have been psychologically pushed in made me ignore the presence of this abuse.
Over all my whole purpose of today journal is I enjoy freeing my son from the mess. Knowing that I took him into a family that give him the love and the care he needs till Judge decide who’s more capable of giving my son the adequate life style he need or shall he remain in the abusing family.
I loved my wife and always had. The day I agree to marry my wife. The day I took the oath to love my wife through hard times at Starbucks coffee is the day that I set myself into an abusing situation. Even though we’re separated I still love her dearly. I just hope for the best of her. I just hope someday she realize how hard I try to maintain the relationship. I am sorry that as time pass by hugging her at night. I notice the distance but then I neglect to realize that love isn’t a one way walk. Love takes many forms like abuse. I loved my wife and always hope for the best. We can’t be together as one couple then I hope to see a smile. My love remains and hope for the best one day she’ll find the kind of love that I had. This love isn’t a love that we want to keep them with us. But it’s the love that we hope our partners will find if she think I wasn’t enough.
That’s it folks! That’s my abuse and love story!