Well first lets start off with what I did today! I had a awesome and relaxing day after talking a few people such as Mike, Anna, and Christine. Very cool people! Anyways I woke up this morning having a lot of back pain sleeping on my friends Futon! I woke up and started my route at 2 am. David didn’t drop off the papers at Liberty Tax till 3:30 am. The wait was painful! The herald is getting worse and worse every day. They are always late on their papers. While waiting I met the Gas Station guy! Every time I bought my son with me I took him into the 7 Eleven and bought Candies , drinks and food for my son. I discussed a little about what going on with my life. Then I remember he could be a perfect candidate . So I refreshed his memory to see if he could remember what I did everyday. After thinking awhile he finally said he remember and then offer to write me a statement. That made me feels really good. Then we exchanged contact info. After that I was so hype to start my route. I finished my route at 5 and went home to sleep for a bit. Then roughly at 5:40 Melissa called and ask if I could give her a hand with the route. I got up and dressed and went over to help her with half of McCloud and Alderwood. It took about 20 minutes for me to do because I did the route like 3+ weeks. I even write numbers on those tubes.
After finish helping Melissa I went home and lay down to sleep. Sienna called to start my traffic/redelivery. After finishing my traffic at 10 my father called and said he’ll be coming up here to visit me for a few hours. I was somewhat excited that my father is visiting me. He said he’ll be up here in 3-4 hours. After talking with my father for half hour I went to the Bellingham Herald to bug more people about my statements! Boy I hate nagging people but then it’s my son freedom that I am fighting for. I hanged around the herald till 2:30 then went over to Curt Walters house to do a service call on his computer. It was a very easy fix! It took a few wires unhooking and I charged him 30 dollars. Roughly around 3:30 my father called and said he was up here. But then as soon as I met up with him at Fred Myers , Anna called and said that she want to fill the Divorce papers today. I rushed my assssss down to her building and start going over the papers. It was tough telling my dad after 5 minutes of his arrive that I had to go. But my son was more important to me. I wrapped up the conversation and rushed my way down to Commercial street. I wanted to take it slow but my eager to get things over and done with made me sleep 5 miles over he sleep limits. I ran 2 yellow lights too! Usually if my son was in the car I wouldn’t do this. As soon I arrive, we went to a meeting room and went over paper works. The sign of relief. I read over everything very carefully and then signed. Every signature I sign was a relief closer to the divorce. After finish signing I wanted a copy to read it at night. So Anna and I went directly to the court house to file everything. While they the secretary stamp everything I eagerly waited for my copy. It was about 4:30 when we’re done. When I was done I went home with my copy and was so relax. I went home and sat down to talk with my dad and uncle hung for a bit. We talked for about an hour before my father had to go home. He’s getting old so he cant drive too far.
After taking my father to his car I drove to Best Buy with Mike to check out for Boost Mobile. The phone that I want to get was out of stock so I have to come back tomorrow. After that we went to that new Chinese place by Fred Myers. Boy living the life of calculating every dollar you spend is somewhat fun. The food costed 2.99 and I bought two extra buns that costed 6 bucks! Damn that’s expensive for two buns. After that we went home and chit-chat for a bit then drove around the mall alone, walmart, then went home and here I am writing this journal.
I guess it’s about time I talk about control condition that I was in. While living in the relationship with my wife I ignore what’s going on. I have a bad habit of hugging her at night to sleep. I really love her that’s why I hug her. The more I feel that I’m losing her day by day. The more I hug her and realize that I’m going to lose her. As the day pass on it got worse. When you lay next to someone you’ll know when you’re going to lose something and nothing you can do about it. Well that’s the intro of how I felt. But anyways back to control. I lived in Bellingham under a family control. I left Olympia my own town to be with my wife where all her family is. I get picked on all the time. Every check I made I gave it to my wife. If I’m missing a dime I get blame that I go gamble them all. The sad part is everytime my wife goes out late with her friends I go into SloPit to shoot some pool. Here’s the sad side of the story! EVERY FUCKEN Vietnamese up in Bellingham! If they see you in there they’ll assume you gamble! That’s the sad part! Lies get piles up all the time! But living in my wife control I realize that when you ask for a $20-40 for gas and food every 3 days plus the fact that my wife goes out often and comes home really late. With the mixture of people lies she thinks I ask those money she given I don’t do what I say. But I tell ya all one thing! Asking for money is really tough! When you have your own money its a lot easier then begging for it.
When my son is sick she controls how much he is given his medication. Even though the doctor prescribe an amount she’ll assume that its better to take more then what the doctor ask. My wife and mother in law controls what my son can take. They are afraid that my son would become fat if they feed him fat foods. They avoid fat food as much as possible. Boy I tell ya! Its true we should stay away from fat foods but not to the point that anything we intake contains ZERO fats.
After laying here thinking for a bit, I finally understand what control is about. To some people they feel good control. I was being control but I ignore it because I love my family. Every single body is my life. I tried to ignore it to get a day pass by. When you’re in an abuse condition you ignore to see the facts straight. After seeing everything abuse can be a thousand meanings. But to the person that’s experiencing means everything. Sometimes we all go through abuse one way or another but recognizing it is the most difficult thing. I was in love. I loved my wife and ignore the abuse because I don’t want to see that she is treating this way. I ignore that her family taught and trained my son to call me names Dogs, Trong, fuck, and other various names. I took it as a joke because I neglect to see that my wife is doing this to me. I see it as a joke so to me it wasn’t abuse then at that condition because I was in love and still in love with my wife. But now after thinking for my son I see it as an abuse to him, abuse to his physical and emotional state. Its also an abuse to my mental state but I ignore the facts because love blinds you. When you want to maintain a family you ignore everything and does what it takes to keep the family tight together.
That’s who I am! I love my family! I love my wife! I love my son! But love is all about learning to let go.