Sitting here wondering what the word “perfection” means to an extend. What have I been trying to accomplish all these years. At the end you’re always all by yourself Working behind the curtains really limit who you. Those who are in the spotlight doesn’t seem to recognize who have been working so hard to put them there in the spotlight. At the end I look at myself and smile. Thats exactly what you have to do.
“do what is right and not for what you want in return. Do it because it comes from the heart not from the brain”
Finally after 20 years of my life Mrs. Huhta (my first grade teacher) teachings hit me. What she meant was living with a strong feeling of dangerous love isn’t the right way of living. But living out of kindness is how you should approach life. I finally realize my biggest mistake ever.
Trying to perfect own personel thoughts and attitude isnt the way toward life. It just brings more issues for yourself. Everyone has their own way of approaching their growth, we all must find out way how to grow and mentor ourselfs out of our own issues. But taking other advices sometimes sure does help your self evovle (grow, dont know if I spell evovle correctly) to a better person then who you are instead of trying to perfect yourself. No matter how much you perfect yourself you will not end up being perfect. Trying to perfect one personal issues only shows you the route to more perfection to be done. I have found instead of going on that approache, I should instead of perfection I should learn to evolve to a better person. Instead of searching what is wrong with me but I should learn to evolve and define my own choronical human nature literature.
My relationship with Tuyen was good at points and lower at points. In relationship its not a matter of retaining a person next to yourside that would make you happy. But what I learn through this relationship is seeing the person evovle to being who they want to be. No matter what Tuyen want to be. I’ll always be there to support her. Theres no perfect relationship out there. But in order to approach a perfection relationship we must learn to adapt and give. What I meant by giving isnt “give” like in dictionary. But what I really meant was to endure what we doing like and submissive what we hate to adapt that one thing that makes your love one smiles. Now now, dont read me wrong Mr. Journal, what i meant was that we must all learn to let our partner grow and evovle themself to self-dependent. In relationship we must learn to compromise/cooperate (dont know if this is the right dictionary word, but what I mean by this word is cooperate with each other and come up with a resolution). At the end I do care who Thanh love but then keeping her next to me isnt the way of life. Just let her go out there and find who is better. If she does then I’m happy that she does find someone better. Kinda sad to hear that she feel in love with our best friend Vinh. Now hanging out with Vinh isn’t the same no more. Though I see him as my best friend still but the interaction and communicatino isnt the same no more. Sometimes I ask myself why be loyal when your partner cant be loyal. Looking back thats not how you should question yourself but instead we should phrase it as “Why keep them when we cant control them because all humans has the rights to self-redeem, self-determinte, self-motiviate, and self-grow. Over all at the end I’m quite happy that shes making the choice of her own. Though it hurts me in a way but then I’m quite happy that she begining to fight for her first boyfriend “Son” dream vs Vinh being reality. She never even met her first boyfriend but then she labeled her first boyfriend as being “perfect” boyfriend from merely computer screen words. Now that there’s vinh who walks in the screen filling up Son Nguyen (her ex-internet-boyfriend) position. I can’t blame her for her girlie dream. We all live in a dream state that we tend to continue to fight for that one dream that everyone always want. The dream of being “pefection, pretty, and sucessful” . But then while sitting here staring at the mirror and this labtop I finally realize its not who you’re looking at but its who are you trying to modify yourself into. What happen to our identity as we sit here and think of this and that? What happen to the Native American while they are being stripped of their religous culture and their freedom land? We’re pretty much going through the same state.
Through out high school I believe many point of view. Though I made alot of people mad but I tried my best to make changes through high school. Making student realize whats the differences we have. I made the school realize that discrimination always exisit. The only way we can actually rid of the world “discrimation” by working together and making the whole school realize love is the way to stop people. Why is there such powerful people such as Martin Luther King Jr? Why are there people such as George Washington who remain in books for decades? This koncept of love is like what I’m expericing with. If thanh still fighting over her reality then let her do it. Though I had to suffer a huge amount of my love over her but then at the end I’m quite happy that she finally found a substitute “vinh” to take her Son spot instead of me. I totally dont fit the position as I’m a passionate individual kid growing to a man.
As time proceed its a matter what makes u feel more comfortable.