Waking up this morning wasn’t so bad. I had a pretty good sleep last night. I started my route at roughtly 4:20 after picking up my route. I rushed through my route and finished it by 6. Half way into my route I called Sienna and asked for District 2. It’s closer to where I’m temp staying. Since the threat of calling the police for visiting my son I’m scared to see my son. I knew that today will be a long day so I tried to make the best of it. After work I went home and took a nap till 10. It’s really old I am somewhat tired and want to sleep more but the responsibility of waking up every day at 10-11 over the last two years was still there. Since I couldn’t sleep I pretended its another day with my son. I woke up and made some top ramon with an egg in it to eat. After eating I head to Al Brostrom house and offered my help to fix his computer since he letting me use his cell plan. We sat there and watched the news and discuss what would my son be doing if he was here. He would probably be running around digging through that pile of boxes that Al stacked up for my son to dig. My son earger to learn is my energy to provide and sustain myself. His curiosity of learning fueled me everyday to provide and protect. If my son was here I would probably be feeding him and chasing him around and crawling all over the floor playing hide and seek. SNAP! I guess that imagination is just a daily routine that I’m so use to. I raised the dude from the time he’s a baby up to now. I hanged out at Al house till 1. I closed my eyes for a bit and woke up at 2 and head back home. I slept some more but then couldnt sleep. I woke up and watched Shrek the Third alone till 5:45 till grandma of trieu called. I wonder what happen to grandpa. He doesn’t work today. Over the phone she sound like she is really tired. I guess watching my son nearly all day she sound very tired and need some rest.I know grandma loved my son but since she is so sick how could she take on the responsibility of what I have been giving my son since birth. Tran is killing her mother slowly because of anger of just wanting to cheat government support. Now it makes me think if she really loved her son or because she still want more out of the government. We’re already cheating the government from he real pay already. Now she want the kid not because she love him but because she want medical care and food stamps. That is sad…..but I’m happy that I’m free from it……I just feel sad for grandma.
5:45 pm or so Grandma called and said that I should come over to visit my son for a few minutes. I’m some what scared to visit becuase they could set up a trap for me. It gets very scary when it comes to the court system. But because my love for my son and I wanted a few minutes with him made me take the risk. I just want a few minutes with him to teach him what I can. I felt proud trying to teach him “da da”.
It felt good being able to teach him. I now notice he missed me.
When I went to the door knocking on the door. Grandma open the door and allowed me to take my son out for a few minutes. While looking at grandma as she stood there her eyes had black bags under her eyes. She looks puffy like her body is filling up again. I remember Dr. William Lombard stated that she is very sick and that everyone in the house should try to give her plenty rest and not over work her. Tran is really taking the punishment on her mother. Now she is working hard trying to cheat the government system and get daycare thats not nessescary. I’ve been taking care of my son and dont see why she wont let me be a part of him. Is it because she want to get back at me? Ahh only good now. My very own son ran towards me and put on his shoes quickly. I sat down and he jumpped up on my back with his tiny arms wrapped around my neck. Its the warmest feeling that I ever had. We rushed to the park up by the office. We played for a bit and I kept staring at the watch. My wife usually comes home around 7. I was scared that my wife threats from last night will come true. Every few minutes I kept staring at my watch to avoid going to jail. She could lie and I could be in there for life. My eyes switched from my son to the watch like a clock watcher in speed. The smile on my son seeing me is the brightest. I know he really missed me. He tried to climb up the slide and kept falling down. As soon as he falls he yell that innocent “Troooong….Troooong” .. I quickly wrapped up the visitation. Putting my hands out my son refuse to go home. I said to him its time to go home but it seem like he doesn’t want to go home. He never done this before. Ususally when I take him out to the park its 1 hour or so at the park. But it seem that he hasn’t play enough. I didn’t visit my son all day. I’m wondering what has grandma done all day with my son. My son seem like hes locked in a cell and now he has to go back to that cell and hes refusing to head back there.Every happy day always have a ending to it. I picked him up and rushed his way back to the apartment. While runing back he cried like never before. I never seen my son crys so much like this. I never treated my son like this before. I felt bad but I had to do what right now. I had to bring him back. when I dropped him on the sofa and quickly ran out the door closing it right behind me. My son slide down the couch and ran full speed toward the door. I could hear him tiptoe high reahing for the door nob. Trying to open it but he couldnt. I quickly jumpped into the car and drove off to avoid hearing his loud crieds for help. Its the same cried of left behind. The same cries that feeling that I had when I was in elementary. But its different, I had Ms. Huhta there to protect me when I cry. Tears came running down my face with my heart twiching and achking like crazy. The cries of my son need help but I cant be there for him is the most painful feeling in the world. I took a deep breath and it made me realize that I have to try to get my son out of this danger enviroment that he and I been trapped in for the last two years of his life.