Life is like a game, Playing this game to win or to lose there always a outcome.
Well anyways the purpose of this journal is to tell what happen today. Its a looong day. Everyday the past 3 days I been thinking of Tran and missing her so much.
Today she finally came over and she packed her remaining of her stuff. While she was here she talked me into going over to her house and say sorry so then she would come back and be with me.
At this point journal, I have two optoins. I would do it to keep her with me but then it would violate my person feeling. I didnt do anything wrong except to the fact that I over reacted when she accused me of things I didnt do.
I’m planning not to do this because 1.) it would embrass me and make me at fault completely to her family. 2.) I have no words in anything anymore.
I think I got kidney stones like my father too. Lately been pissing out slightly redish and it hurts like hell.
ahhh so many problems at one time.
Well to continue on what happen, we argued for a bit and she said that if I love her I would go over to her house and knee down infront of her door and say sorry.
At this point I’m refusing to do this. Its my fight and her fight then why do I have to do that. As long as she knows I’m sorry that I over reacted then thats all it counts. I’m not doing this because I am not at fault
You live only once and you die only onces. I’m fighting iwth my conscious right now. One side really want to go say sorry and get this over with and the other side I dont want to do it because its like stepping all over myself to admit that I am at fault everything. The last three years I have been knee down and saying sorry at everything even though its not my fault that lead to the arguments.
And you know what hurts most. She came over and continue to accuse me of stuff. She saw that I packed up some stuff and planning to head to New York to do some business and to visit Anh Long , then John in Virginia. She said that I’m packing up stuff to meet Miss_yeu which hurts alot. While typing this I’m crying at the same time because being accused hurts alot. Now I know how much it hurts and there must be some people out there that I accused in the pass.
What hurts most is that Vinh only called and ask if I want to go camping (cam trai) with him and VSA , BUT I NEVER said YES at all.
And Tran said that I got a wife now and always want to go play. I’m not writing this to ask for freedom. I’m willing to give up this freedom because I love Tran but I disagree that she accused that I just want to go camping with this girl and that girl. A stab in the heart.
Thats how life is, we all faces injustices and blame for litterally if the odds is against you. The odds is against me at this point. Tran doesnt think of how manys and night I have spent with her. The only time that I’m seperated from Tran is the time I’m in school and the rest is mostly in the livingroom working on my computer. I live this life fearing that an old friend would call and ask me to go fishing becuase it would lead to an argument. Thats why I pray everyday when I’m with Tran that not a single friend would call. But my thougths about that is completely wrong. What matters is what my heart thinks.
I’m here to say sorry to all those that I may have accused for things that you havent done. As you grow older you gain knowledge of these kind of things.