First I guess its better off to break this journal down to three parts: my apology, my regret, and my happiness. It would be crunch up if I all type it in one paragaph which would be borring right? So here goes….
First like to thank all those friends that sent me emails in regards to my condition and situation. I read many of them over and over. I realized alot of you are right about my thinking and circumstances. I like to apologize for talking nearly about the divorce and yacking about Tran over the course of the last two months. Well I loved her and finally understand the condition that she was in when she loved me back then in 2005-2007. I apologize for talking about her so much without any update on whats going on in my life. The more I talk about her the more I an hurting my son and I. Therefore I promise to all that I’ll grow up and quit talking about her so it wouldn’t bring memories back into play. Again I’m sory for all the yacking about her and I will quit from here on.
I finally realize after chatting, emailing, and talking on the phone with alot of you I realized my similarities. Back in 2005 when I first met Tran she was only 17 and was very young. She didn’t have enough time to go play and had a dream of a family. I was the bad guy back then. I went to play, school, social groups and didn’t realize she was all alone at home. I am getting the same treatment when my business failed and job neglection which result in me being fired. Now I’m always at home. I cared and loved her. I was afaid to lose her same like she did back when she didn’t work. I’m geting the same treatment. The more I bug her the more it becamse worse. If I was wise I would of let her parties all she want and at the end she’ll come home which is all it counts. Thats my huge regrets! I am getting the same treatment but I didn’t act correctly. So I lost…….Thats what I learn that hurts so much…
Over the course of the last two months I have been going out with Trieu often. We went to portland, seattle, and olympia. I travel nearly everyday and every week. This whole week I discover something new about life. Life isn’t about partying. Partying only last a few hours and it’s not the same happiness that you get when you’re son has that smile on his face. First I have to say thanks to Tran for giving me my son. She is in a trance of realize partying and hanging out with friends is her kind of fun. But down the road its not the fun that will make her happy. The kind of happiness I’m happy with is when I’m with my son. Thats the happiness that stays in your heart forever. We both been at parties its fun for a few minutes but then after that its dull again. Happiness is being with your son and your family. I lost the family part but I got my son which still can sustain. =) . Thats the samy feeling I had when I play, party, and hang out alot. It all comes to a point where I been partying and playing too much. I realized that I went no where except laugh a little and at the end of the day it was over.
Lately, Trieu had a hard time sleep. I think its becuase I been leaving him often so hes afraid. At night when he sleep he wakes up and search around. Sometimes I would be in the bathroo (excuse me) and I could hear him cry endlessly till I show up. Worse case senario was when I let him visit his mother for a night because she nagged so much so I did. On tuesday he came back all sick. That Tuesday night he cried and cried every 20 minutes or so. He kept waking up. Kids are like us! They do have their own kind of worries. They can’t adapt to changes so quickly like we can. I’m sad because I can see the affects that we have left behind for my poor little Trieu. He isn’t the mistake but we’re the mistake. I just have to pray he will learn and grow out of this problems that we have created.
Well anyways! I’ll uphold my promise and keep my mouth shut for now!
TO ALL = thanks for all the support and email that you have sent. Keep them coming! I read them all!
Video 6 – My Apology, Regrets, and Happiness (DL)