Well I spent majority of my time today listening to music while I post up business cards for Geary. There’s this song that I listen over 2 hours worth of it. It never got boring because when it comes across the lyrics I posted below it allow me to forgive my wife. Though she doesn’t answer my phone call I totally understand because she’s influence. If you understand it then read it. I won’t translate everything. The highlighted words will be translated.
“La xanh nhu ngung dong
Canh ba`ng mo coi nhu dung giua reu phong
Hang ngan anh sao trong dem nhu vun vo
Chi con minh anh bo vo trong ko gian im lang
Mot minh anh nho lai nhung ki niem xanh
Cam thay long 1 noi co don , hiu quanh va te lanh
Khoc than khoc cho 1 cuoc tinh anh
Trach than trach cho 1 cuoc tinh minh
Tra’ch than oa’n cung boi vi ong troi
Duyen trao duyen nhung minh van ko phan
Va tinh minh da~ tan bien theo vo tan
Doi anh lan da^.n ,
Dung giu*~a nua chang duong cuoc doi
Nhung ma anh day da ko han , ko gian se ko ban
Boi vi do la van menh cua con nguoi
Cua noi 1 con nguoi
Ma da tung yeu em vi em
Cua 1 con nguoi
Ma da tung hen the nguyen thot voi em
Cua 1 con nguoi
Vi hoan canh ma da lia xa em tu lau
Va cua 1 con nguoi
Se van mai mai la nguoi den sau
Nhung anh se ko vi do’ ma kho ma dau
Cung da tu lau anh va em da ko gap nhau
Nhung anh day van luon tham nguyen cau
Chuc phuc cho nguoi anh yeu dau
Se co 1 cuoc song hanh phuc tron doi dai lau ve sau
Du co o noi dau
Em se luon la nguoi con gai trong trai tim anh
Anh se ko bao gio wen
Cai cam giac nu hon dau tien ta trao nhau
tai noi day , dung noi nay ,
Canh vat con day nhung ma nguoi dau mat
Anh muon tim nho’lai
Cam giac hinh bong dang nguoi xua
Nhung cung chi se mai la hu vo^”
If you’re my Vietnamese friends you would understand it. But for those English friends I have reading this site. I’ll start by translating the red highlighted words.
I wish happiness for the one I loved.
I wish that she find happiness for the rest of her life
I wish happiness where ever you are
You’ll always be in my heart.
Though it probably doesn’t mean much when you translate that into English but to Vietnamese it means a lot. I learn to forgive and forget. At first when my wife broke the news she want me out and decided to move on with her new boyfriend that her boss introduced. I was really upset but then overtime the last three weeks I realize there’s nothing to be mad about. There’s no one to blame. What’s important for me right now is trying to work with my son’s mother to come with a resolution. Most relationship you break up you want all hell to break lose. I fell into that trap. When my wife broke the news I began to question what I’ve been doing wrong and started to shift the blames to define all blames balancing everything. I tend to blame myself everything.
But what I’ve learned that we can’t blame everything on yours self nor blame anyone. At first I blamed everything on me. But that was a total mistake. When couples first meet they have everything in the world that define the “commons” but when kids come into the picture it change the whole pictures and a whole new level of responsibilities. One of us isn’t ready for it so factoring and shifting blames is a hard thing. So I cannot blame my wife for anything she is doing. She’s finding her happiness. But I hope and pray for the best. I hope she still make the effort to care for her son one day.
Aite that’s how I felt today so bringing it up is important. For all those who email me asking me how I’m doing. From this I hope you realize I’m in pain but I learn to swallow it and accept the fact that hate isn’t the way to solve anything. Marriages is a promise when both are in love. But when love isn’t there its no longer exist. Or if better opportunities are in front then you’re a tiny bit of the factor that will influence. Such as me a walking human that no longer has a place in my wife’s heart.
SO to clarify marriages are a promise.
Children’s are a life time. They are a part of us. They have our DNA. They are our future. So for those who are going through the divorce like I am please put your kids above all.
This will be my last journal visible to all. I will be closing down journal writes but only in private for now due to legal stuff. I love writing journals but I don’t want my journal writing will be used against me in court. Therefore this journal is the last journal I will write. If its going to hurt me then it will hurt me. But this s how I felt today and its important for all those who care to understand I’m living the life and kicking it like another day.
My Son and My Activities
Ahhh I feel so much like a robo without my son here with me. I woke up this morning same time 2AM waiting till 4am to start my route. Finished the route by 6AM. Went home to get some sleep till 10:40. The toss and turning woke me up with a sweaty back. With my eyes half close I each around searched for my cell phone and called my father to check on my “Mini”-Me! Dad decided to take him to the doctor at 11am to have him check up. Dad been monitoring his nighttime sleep and concern about his sleeping habit. With my father constant taking him to the doctor and worrying for my son. It cost him money every visit due to the fact that our medical coupon doesn’t cover outside of the City of Bellingham till I move the medical coupon. So I’m writing I-O-U to my dad. Since he was at the doctors office I hung up and decided to shower then head out to help Geary with his Comcast junk. After that I think I’ll drop by Angelina house (one of my customer) and check up on her. She want me to fix her SUPER DUPER slow computer. After the show I decided to change my mind. I instead went to work on Geary comcast flyers and business cards he want me to post up. After doing 3-4 hours of that dirty work I went over to Al place to help him install softwares on his computer.
On the way there I stop by Bac Ba Xuan to say hi to here! She lives directly across from my wife’s resident. While I was sitting there with Bac Ba Xuan. She stated that I should reframe from coming near here. My wife mother came over and cry during the day. My mother in law said that if I come near they will cal the cops and file for domesic violence and frame me. Bac Ba Xuan warn me ahead of time and begged me not to come over. After 5 minutes hanging out there I just got up and left afraid that they will lie and affect my custody.
After that I met up with Geary at Starbucks at 4ish at Barkley village by Sunset. After that I went home to watch some TV with Mike. We watched King Auther and channels 272. I love watching Catch it Keep it. Its so creative.
Around 7:50 pm my mother in law called my dad to beg him to talk to me to give up custody. There’s no need to fight over Trieu. She promise that she will keep up with her bargain that if I give custody she promise that she will always allow me to visit my son.
Sad thing is I wont go down with a fight. My mother in law lies. Her father beated me up. My wife beated me up. When you live there with the in laws you’re stuck in a box.