Today’s top would be reckless mind, every year there’s this date where nerds and geeks get together on IRC to chat about new technologies and techniques. That’s where I learned majority of my skills from looping, buffer flows, and SSL translation crippler. When our minds are set to one thing we tend to change to a different personalities. Nice or good its how we accept who we are. We all live by principles whether its right or wrong. Those principles always follow us. Today I had a hard time living up to the fact that I broke so many principles just because of “love”. Love is a principles aspects that we break all the time. At this age in time its really hard to find someone who shares the same principle as you.
Its disgusting to protect some thing that we don’t want to believe that’s true. What should I do? you want to see your love one smile happily ever after but does that means you sacrifice the truth for it? Today that’s what I learned. I must accept the fact its better to become a liar then being the killer. To some its better to sacrifice friends and family than losing a reality that they don’t want to lose. Hence people become so cold heart-ed and they don’t even know it. That’s where multiple personalities comes into play. I remember one time a hacker that I barely now erased everything I had on my computer from pictures to personal documents. I disconnected my cable modem 5 seconds after I notice that he had hack into my network. That 5 second he was able to inject a simple virus that formatted my computer. “Luckily” I had backed up all my files three nights before. I was still still very mad since I lost 3 days of life work. I really wanted to kill this guy by revenging. Revenging never ends there. That’s why there’s so many problems in the world. Instead I learned to accept the fact he has better skills than me. From that day on I started to learn how he wrote the virus and wrote a better one, compacted and speedier than his virus.
That is an example of being able to accept the challenge of life. That’s an example of being able to accept the truth.
Another example I encountered that we can reflect on a friend I meet. Awhile back I met this friend, she doesn’t know why shes always mindlessly and meaninglessly walks around with a cold mind and heart. She just have duties that she does. She have dreams that she want to pursue, but she gave up her dreams just for one reality “getting away from home and freedom”. Freedom is a cost we give up for our family. It’s not the cost we give up for ourself. That’s how we come so selfish. Base on her stories I can predict that other who steps into her life liked her for who she is. She didn’t see that because it was part of the family approval. If they are approve then they can hang out with her. For instance, if she was still in Vietnam. I would have to get her family approval to even get close to her. But does that mean I’m bad? No that doesn’t mean I’m bad. But does that mean the family is wrong? no that doesn’t mean the family is wrong. Her family loved her and carefully pick and choose. It doesn’t matter how you pick or choose, there’s always a chance that the one’s “picked” to be friends with her aren’t perfect. Though she lived in Vietnam but she’s Westernized mind set. She learned it through books and self realization. She once told me that she knows what love is. But she had to sit there and think what it is so hard. What she said out to me was pure text book explanation of what love is. I read the exact same phrase from Gary Paulsen. That’s pure copying! She’s never had a true friend because when they need her most she ignore the status. She rather spend some quality time than giving up everything at that moment to hang chill with the trouble minded friend. Reckless of the mind…..we’re not even noticing that we’re using other. We’re using each other to survive. This world would be a better place to live in when we can give at the bottom of our hearts. Thats why this friend never really had a true friend. Thats why this friend to me never really experience love. She’s blinded with words in front but she can’t see what is going behind her back. It’s too late to realize that because the damage is done. We’re human and we’re afraid of losing what got. We’re afraid to be alone. That’s when our mind recklessly sell our souls and believe that this cannot happen. “I lived with all these people and they are nice people”. If you listen to all the news then you will realize what I’m speculating is true. Our neighbors seem like nice couples but they are serial killers. Rich family looks like happy family when they are all dressed up. In the back they are fighting over stupid things. Either its property or money. It’s not in Asian culture. It also happens in Western Cultures.
Parents that we barely pay attention too. They don’t even have the time to visit their parents when they are alive. But when their parents are dead in a freeze they give up everything they got to fly back to see them? Is it really true that they are flying back because they loved the person. yes they loved their faimly. This friend of mind a few years ago lost a loved one. When they are alive she take her love one for granted. In her heart she wanted to head back for new years. But she didn’t go because she don’t have the money to go. She has the money to buy a ticket but not the money to spend on the trip. So she told her parents that she wont come back. If she had the feeling that something bad is happening. At that point her heart was telling her to book but her mind could only concentrate on money. Debit free and extra money for the trip to spend. If she was smart enough she had 3 thousand in the bank . She could of save 1 thousand back for expense at home. Buy the ticket for $1200 and spend 800 in Vietnam for two weeks with her parents. She had only a week’s vacation.
What’s wrong here? its because she doesn’t know what’s love. She never have experienced real love. I don’t ever think she will ever in the near future know what’s love till she drops everything she has and cry it all out. When she drops everything and answer question through the heart not through memories of the brain.
anyways that’s my thoughts all day today. I cried by myself today not because its tough. I cried today because I am in love with myself. To my girl (friend) that’s lost for ever…….I am hurt but she neglected to see it. I could make a huge big deal with it by getting authority involved but I respected and had this friend of mind in my mind always. Charging and revenges isn’t the way out of things. Sharing a bit of love will some day make a different. No friends are true till they learn to love..